-
How Not to Make an Ugly Baby
- A Light-Hearted Guide to Having a Good-Looking Baby
- Narrated by: Vera Lynn Floyd
- Length: 1 hr and 52 mins
Failed to add items
Add to Cart failed.
Add to Wish List failed.
Remove from wishlist failed.
Adding to library failed
Follow podcast failed
Unfollow podcast failed
Get 2 free audiobooks during trial.
Buy for $6.95
No default payment method selected.
We are sorry. We are not allowed to sell this product with the selected payment method
Publisher's summary
Welcome to "How Not to Make an Ugly Baby: A Light-hearted Guide to Having a Good-Looking Baby". This book isn't about setting impossible beauty standards for infants; it's about embracing the journey of parenthood with humor, love, and a sprinkle of vanity, because, let's be honest, we all want our kids to be as adorable on the outside as they are on the inside.
Julia Fritz takes us on a whimsical ride through the ups and downs of preparing for and raising a child who not only wins hearts with their charm but also lights up the room with their looks. From understanding the quirky genetics lottery to mastering the art of stylish parenting and fostering an environment where inner beauty thrives, this book covers it all—with a good dose of laughter along the way.
So, whether you're a soon-to-be parent meticulously planning your future offspring's aesthetic appeal, a new parent wondering how to navigate the chaotic beauty of parenthood, or just someone in need of a good chuckle about the trials and tribulations of raising children, you're in the right place.
Julia's insights, peppered with personal anecdotes, scientific tidbits, and tongue-in-cheek advice, make for a refreshing take on a topic as old as time itself: the desire to see the best in our children, both inside and out. So buckle up, keep an open mind, and get ready to explore the delightful world of raising a child who's as pleasing to the eye as they are to the heart.
Remember, this book is all in good fun. It's about looking beyond the mess and the sleepless nights to celebrate the beauty of parenting—the good, the bad, and the adorable.
Chapter 1: Cracking the Beauty Code 7
Beauty Genes Unleashed: Shattering Old Wives' Tales 8
The Great Beauty Bake-Off: Ingredients of Attraction 9
From Frog to Prince: The Metamorphosis Spectrum 10
The Global Beauty Bazaar: Beyond the Cookie-Cutter Mold 12
Chapter 2: The Great Mate Debate 15
Love's Genetic Lottery: Playing the Odds 16
The Love Algorithm: Cracking the Code of Heart and Hotness 17
Cupid's Chemistry: Mixing Attraction with Affection 19
Mining for Gold: When Character Outshines the Mirror 20
Chapter 3: Blueprint for Baby-Ready Bods 23
The Prenatal Bootcamp: Sculpting the Perfect Parental Vessel 24
Love in the Time of Fertility: Strategies for Success 25
Zen and the Art of Baby Making: The Stress-Free Path to Conception 26
Budgeting for Beauty: Financial Feng Shui for Future Families 28
Chapter 4: The Prenatal Glow-Up 31
The Ultimate Baby-Building Diet: From Belly to Baby 32
Preggo Pilates: Staying Sleek While You Expand 33
Hormonal Harmony: Keeping Your Cool When Your Body's on Fire 35
Crafting Your Birth Masterpiece: A Tailor-Made Approach 36
Chapter 5: Cultivating a Vogue Nursery 39
The Attachment Runway: Strutting Toward Secure Bonds 40
Parenting in Style: The Couture Approach to Raising a Child 41
Confidence Couture: Tailoring Self-Worth from Toddler to Teen 43
Chapter 6: The Chic Guide to Infant Vogue 45
Baby Milestones: From Crawling to Catwalking 46
The Early Years Academy: Cultivating Baby Einsteins with Style 47
Love, Limits, and Lip Gloss: The Art of Fashion-Forward Discipline 49
Social Butterflies and Wallflowers: Styling Your Child's Social Life 51
Chapter 7: The Fabulous Journey 53
The Imagination Atelier: Crafting Dreamers and Doers 54
Passion Projects: Nurturing the Next Generation of Innovators 56
Teen Vogue: Steering Through the Storm with Style 57
Chapter 8: The Beauty of Parenting 60
The Art of Memory Couture: Crafting a Legacy of Love 61
The Flawed Masterpiece: Finding Perfection in Imperfection 63
Beauty Reloaded: Redefining Aesthetics for the Next Gen 64
Conclusion: The True Beauty of Embracing the Chaos of Parenthood 66
More from the same
Related to this topic
-
Hot White Heist 2
- By: Adam Goldman
- Narrated by: Bowen Yang, Jane Lynch, Cynthia Nixon, and others
- Length: 2 hrs and 38 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Two years after successfully melting down the top secret sperm bank under the Space Needle, the CLITO collective (Community of Lesbians Inclusive To Others) is thriving on their newly acquired private island, Lesbos 2. All is well in their queer utopia. Or is it? Investigative reporter Sarah Keebler (Sarah Steele) is piecing together the crew's previous heist for her bombshell true-crime podcast–and getting dangerously close to the truth.
-
-
Love Bowen Yang
- By Sheena Bambus on 03-15-24
By: Adam Goldman
-
Born a Crime
- Stories from a South African Childhood
- By: Trevor Noah
- Narrated by: Trevor Noah
- Length: 8 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In this award-winning Audible Studios production, Trevor Noah tells his wild coming-of-age tale during the twilight of apartheid in South Africa. It’s a story that begins with his mother throwing him from a moving van to save him from a potentially fatal dispute with gangsters, then follows the budding comedian’s path to self-discovery through episodes both poignant and comical.
-
-
Great book and perfect narration
- By MarilynArms on 12-15-16
By: Trevor Noah
-
Yellow Face
- A Semi-autobiographical Comedy
- By: David Henry Hwang
- Narrated by: Daniel Dae Kim (CK), Ashley Park, Wendell Pierce, and others
- Length: 1 hr and 44 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Winner of an Obie and a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize, and directed by Tony nominee Leigh Silverman, Yellow Face is as timely as ever, wrestling with issues of cultural appropriation, complicity, and artistic freedom. It’s brought to life in this audio-only revival by a stunning all-star cast (many playing themselves) led by Daniel Dae Kim.
-
-
Funny, great audible performance, and good dialogue.
- By Ed the Canadian on 05-04-24
-
Cut and Thirst
- A Short Story
- By: Margaret Atwood
- Narrated by: Joyce Bean
- Length: 1 hr and 2 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Myrna, Leonie, and Chrissy meet every Thursday to sample fine cheeses, to reminisce about their former lives as professors, and lately, to muse about murder. Decades ago, a vicious cabal of male poets contrived—quite publicly and successfully—to undermine the writing career, confidence, and health of their dear friend Fern. Now, after Fern has taken a turn for the worse, her three old friends decide that it’s finally time to strike back—in secret, of course, since Fern is far too gentle to approve of a vendetta.
-
-
Smart women
- By Janice on 05-18-24
By: Margaret Atwood
-
Slaughterhouse-Five
- By: Kurt Vonnegut
- Narrated by: James Franco
- Length: 5 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Traumatized by the bombing of Dresden at the time he had been imprisoned, Pilgrim drifts through all events and history, sometimes deeply implicated, sometimes a witness. He is surrounded by Vonnegut's usual large cast of continuing characters (notably here the hack science fiction writer Kilgore Trout and the alien Tralfamadorians, who oversee his life and remind him constantly that there is no causation, no order, no motive to existence).
-
-
Don't Quit Your Daytime Job, James
- By Keith on 11-20-15
By: Kurt Vonnegut
-
Napoleon's Hemorrhoids…And Other Small Events That Changed History
- By: Phil Mason
- Narrated by: LJ Ganser
- Length: 8 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Hilarious, fascinating, and a roller coaster of dizzying, historical what-ifs, Napoleon's Hemorrhoids is a potpourri for serious historians and casual history buffs. In one of Phil Mason's many revelations, you'll learn that Communist jets were two minutes away from opening fire on American planes during the Cuban missile crisis, when they had to turn back as they were running out of fuel. You'll discover that before the Battle of Waterloo, Napoleon's painful hemorrhoids prevented him from mounting his horse to survey the battlefield.
-
-
They just throw the facts too fast
- By Concerned_llama on 12-11-20
By: Phil Mason
-
Hot White Heist 2
- By: Adam Goldman
- Narrated by: Bowen Yang, Jane Lynch, Cynthia Nixon, and others
- Length: 2 hrs and 38 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Two years after successfully melting down the top secret sperm bank under the Space Needle, the CLITO collective (Community of Lesbians Inclusive To Others) is thriving on their newly acquired private island, Lesbos 2. All is well in their queer utopia. Or is it? Investigative reporter Sarah Keebler (Sarah Steele) is piecing together the crew's previous heist for her bombshell true-crime podcast–and getting dangerously close to the truth.
-
-
Love Bowen Yang
- By Sheena Bambus on 03-15-24
By: Adam Goldman
-
Born a Crime
- Stories from a South African Childhood
- By: Trevor Noah
- Narrated by: Trevor Noah
- Length: 8 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In this award-winning Audible Studios production, Trevor Noah tells his wild coming-of-age tale during the twilight of apartheid in South Africa. It’s a story that begins with his mother throwing him from a moving van to save him from a potentially fatal dispute with gangsters, then follows the budding comedian’s path to self-discovery through episodes both poignant and comical.
-
-
Great book and perfect narration
- By MarilynArms on 12-15-16
By: Trevor Noah
-
Yellow Face
- A Semi-autobiographical Comedy
- By: David Henry Hwang
- Narrated by: Daniel Dae Kim (CK), Ashley Park, Wendell Pierce, and others
- Length: 1 hr and 44 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Winner of an Obie and a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize, and directed by Tony nominee Leigh Silverman, Yellow Face is as timely as ever, wrestling with issues of cultural appropriation, complicity, and artistic freedom. It’s brought to life in this audio-only revival by a stunning all-star cast (many playing themselves) led by Daniel Dae Kim.
-
-
Funny, great audible performance, and good dialogue.
- By Ed the Canadian on 05-04-24
-
Cut and Thirst
- A Short Story
- By: Margaret Atwood
- Narrated by: Joyce Bean
- Length: 1 hr and 2 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Myrna, Leonie, and Chrissy meet every Thursday to sample fine cheeses, to reminisce about their former lives as professors, and lately, to muse about murder. Decades ago, a vicious cabal of male poets contrived—quite publicly and successfully—to undermine the writing career, confidence, and health of their dear friend Fern. Now, after Fern has taken a turn for the worse, her three old friends decide that it’s finally time to strike back—in secret, of course, since Fern is far too gentle to approve of a vendetta.
-
-
Smart women
- By Janice on 05-18-24
By: Margaret Atwood
-
Slaughterhouse-Five
- By: Kurt Vonnegut
- Narrated by: James Franco
- Length: 5 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Traumatized by the bombing of Dresden at the time he had been imprisoned, Pilgrim drifts through all events and history, sometimes deeply implicated, sometimes a witness. He is surrounded by Vonnegut's usual large cast of continuing characters (notably here the hack science fiction writer Kilgore Trout and the alien Tralfamadorians, who oversee his life and remind him constantly that there is no causation, no order, no motive to existence).
-
-
Don't Quit Your Daytime Job, James
- By Keith on 11-20-15
By: Kurt Vonnegut
-
Napoleon's Hemorrhoids…And Other Small Events That Changed History
- By: Phil Mason
- Narrated by: LJ Ganser
- Length: 8 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Hilarious, fascinating, and a roller coaster of dizzying, historical what-ifs, Napoleon's Hemorrhoids is a potpourri for serious historians and casual history buffs. In one of Phil Mason's many revelations, you'll learn that Communist jets were two minutes away from opening fire on American planes during the Cuban missile crisis, when they had to turn back as they were running out of fuel. You'll discover that before the Battle of Waterloo, Napoleon's painful hemorrhoids prevented him from mounting his horse to survey the battlefield.
-
-
They just throw the facts too fast
- By Concerned_llama on 12-11-20
By: Phil Mason
-
Heads Will Roll
- By: Kate McKinnon, Emily Lynne
- Narrated by: Kate McKinnon, Emily Lynne, Tim Gunn, and others
- Length: 4 hrs and 6 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Heads Will Roll is an Audible Original from Saturday Night Live star Kate McKinnon and her cocreator/costar (and real-life sister) Emily Lynne. Produced by Broadway Video, this is not an audiobook - it’s a 10-episode, star-studded audio comedy that features performances from Meryl Streep, Tim Gunn, Peter Dinklage, Queer Eye’s Fab Five, and so many more. Please note: This content is not for kids.
-
-
More like this please
- By Anon893 on 05-03-19
By: Kate McKinnon, and others
-
I Can't Make This Up
- Life Lessons
- By: Neil Strauss - contributor, Kevin Hart
- Narrated by: Kevin Hart
- Length: 11 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Superstar comedian and Hollywood box-office star Kevin Hart turns his immense talent to the written word by writing some words. Some of those words include: the, a, for, above, and even even. Put them together and you have the funniest, most heartfelt, and most inspirational memoir on survival, success, and the importance of believing in yourself since Old Yeller.
-
-
Best Audiobook I Ever Listened To
- By Sam Clear on 07-13-17
By: Neil Strauss - contributor, and others
-
Green Wing: Resuscitated
- By: Victoria Pile, James Henry, Oriane Messina, and others
- Narrated by: Oliver Chris, Olivia Colman, Pippa Haywood, and others
- Length: 4 hrs and 17 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
They’re back! The all-star cast multi-award-winning cult hit comedy returns, with more surreal goings-on in the lives and loves of the doctors and staff at East Hampton Hospital (warning: contains very little medical content).
-
-
Wonderful to hear these voices again
- By LucilleB on 05-03-24
By: Victoria Pile, and others
-
The Sirens of Titan
- By: Kurt Vonnegut
- Narrated by: Jay Snyder
- Length: 9 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The richest, most depraved man on Earth, Malachi Constant, is offered a chance to take a space journey to distant worlds with a beautiful woman at his side. Of course, there's a catch to the invitation....
-
-
Absolutely Outstanding
- By Robert on 01-07-12
By: Kurt Vonnegut
-
American Psycho
- By: Bret Easton Ellis
- Narrated by: Pablo Schreiber
- Length: 16 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Patrick Bateman moves among the young and trendy in 1980s Manhattan. Young, handsome, and well educated, Bateman earns his fortune on Wall Street by day while spending his nights in ways we cannot begin to fathom. Expressing his true self through torture and murder, Bateman prefigures an apocalyptic horror that no society could bear to confront.
-
-
Fanntastic book but maybe not for everyone....
- By So Fain on 03-27-11
-
Escape from Virtual Island
- An Audio Comedy
- By: John Lutz
- Narrated by: Paul Rudd, Jack McBrayer, Sue Galloway, and others
- Length: 4 hrs and 28 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In the year 2038, there’s only one destination that can play host to the world’s wealthiest adventure seekers: the Pengalaman Island Resort and Virtual Reality Theme Park. Located on a private South Pacific island, guests here live out their wildest fantasies in custom-made virtual reality simulations while also enjoying the usual amenities of an exclusive five-star getaway. All is relatively breezy until famed billionaire and avid guest, Mr. Wagner, goes missing within a virtual simulation. His only hope? A daring rescue led by Derek Ambrose and his ragtag search party.
-
-
Story is a Bit Stupid
- By Jeffrey veals on 04-03-20
By: John Lutz
Love Books? You'll Love Audible.
Transform your day
Replace endless scrolling with endless listening. Chores can be fun.
Listen everywhere
Download titles to listen offline, wherever you are in the world.
Carry your entire Library
Your stories go where you go. Audiobooks don’t weigh a thing.
Listen and learn
Discover stories that can change your mind, your well-being, and your life.
Reach your reading goals
You can’t turn pages while you drive—but you can press play.
Find your niche
WIth thousands of titles to explore, there’s something for everyone.